I miss him

Another banner Friday…ok not really. Still struggling with the withdrawal symptoms, I had hoped that I would be feeling better, but had another rough night, well half a night. Started maybe 3/4 am and lasted into the morning and decided to take yet another day off of work.

However last night was a beautiful night. CJ passed through town and stopped by and was able to spend the entire night. He got here later in the evening and we sat and cuddled on the couch for a bit, prayed together and then we able to go to bed together where we laid in each others arms and cuddled and talked for a bit. It was a heavenly night and a look at what our future will be. We spent time physically connecting and making love and he was so tender and sweet and it was the absolutely best of moments.

Having him here in our space, sitting on the couch we picked out together was a little like heaven, just wrapped around him and his arm wrapped around me was absolutely perfect. We slept holding each other, when one moved the other moved, and when one woke up and realized that we were not connected, would reach out and hold each other, pull the other into their arms. I loved every minute of it, having CJs arms around me or his legs wrapped around me or mine laying over him or his hand on my leg or arm, just being connected and having him here. A small glance at our future.

Waking up this morning to our alarms going off but hitting snooze for just a few minutes so we could cuddle and he would wrap his arms around me and kiss. My symptoms were acting up and I was cold and shivering and he held me and wrapped me up in a blanket that we somehow flipped off the bed overnight….but watching him get up and ready and take a shower and do his morning routine was nice, normal, natural and just exactly what I needed to see and watch to feel normal and happy. I did get up to watch him finish getting ready and get his stuff together, sadly I dont have a coffee maker yet in the house so that’ll be on the list so he has his coffee to go in the morning. And then once again I had to kiss and hug him goodbye for another unknown period of time. But we are close, oh so close to having him here full time. I am just grateful he’s been nearby enough that one of us has been able to drive here or there to spend what time we can together.

Today was a hard day for CJ, still exhausted from his trip and long days and then keeping him up last last night, so he was trying to stay awake all day and dealing with his situation as well.

Tonight I miss him, I miss having him here on our couch sitting next to me and I haven’t changed the sheets like I normally do on Fridays because they smell like him and us, and I cannot bear to make a change yet. Maybe tomorrow.

But before our evening apart for the weekend or who knows how long, we had some lovely phone calls and texts and he once again said beautiful things and I just want him to come home. I know he will, but waiting is hard and I just miss him so so much.