I will never tire of him
Another day, another opportunity to look for the good, to see what blessings we have been given. We have been on such a long journey and to know what’s right around the corner, it’s like time has slowed down again. It’s like He wants me/us/CJ to take a moment and breathe it all in. To see Him in all of it, the good, the hard, the beautiful, the difficult, the miracles, the blessings, the anxiety, the freak outs, the roadblocks. As we look back and see all of these things, the hand of the Lord has truly been with us, walked beside us and shown us the way. Has it been difficult, hard, frustrating, absolutely, but as we have been able to connect physically and not just in the sexual sense, but actually being physically able to hold each other and kiss and complete our connection we are seeing the opportunity to take it to the next level together which has been overwhelmingly powerful. He is showing us the way, the path forward, even in and through the hard.
It’s in the hard times that we truly see Him and His hand in our life. We tend to be complacent when things are good or going our way, but our entire relationship is based on moving toward and forward in learning Him and His true ways and only brings us closer and I can and have seen that during this re-gathering of US. I can feel His happiness as we continue to learn, search, read, ponder and pray over the things we find, I can see Him smiling as we are passionate and excited to share and discuss Him and this process and path we are on. I can sense Him protecting us and covering us with his arms as we traverse the harder moments. And I can hear His answers as I pray and talk to Him about everything and I mean everything, He already knows so there is no point in hiding or beating around the bush. I long to be with CJ full time and He knows that and He has promised us and we have had setbacks due to our own frailty and humanity, but He has been kind and patient and keeps showing us the way.
The way is forward together, in one space, to allow us to delve in deeper and deeper into what our path is, deeper into our selves, deeper into us and deeper into our oneness together. As we dive deeper even now, I feel the excitement, the passion, the power of us connecting and while we haven’t officially begun the oneness process, the connection we have is deep and powerful and binds us forever and I can physically feel it.
Today we had less time together due to some situations with CJ’s work, but we knew that and I truly believe and know that he needs this time to decompress, to have a little downtime (actually very little), but still its an opportunity for CJ to prepare to take his leap of faith and his step forward out past the roadblocks, towards us. It’s a moment we have been working towards and knew it would happen, but now that we are here and the final countdown has begun, its challenging in its own way and the stress has been felt by both of us. But I also feel the strength that comes from looking towards what’s coming, in knowing that this is what He wants for us and has promised us. I find that each time I hear from CJ, a text, a call, a video chat, a voice memo that I find myself grounded in those promises and in US just a little more with each interaction.
He mentioned in a joking manner earlier this week, that I talk about how I feel now, but how would I feel in a few months when we are finally in the same space and moving forward, and because of my prayers, faith and what I have been shown and told and promised, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that while we do have a few challenges ahead even when in the same shared space, that there is absolutely no other place I need to be, no other place I want to be, no other place that could bring me this level of happiness and we are only beginning. I know that we are destined to be together again, we always have been and while there was a few years of separation because of choices we both made, I also know that where we are now has made both of use better people and better able to handle what we are facing and attempting to work towards together. I know that CJ is my past, present and future in every manner. He keeps me on my toes, keeps me thinking and learning and growing as a person, he keeps me intellectually interested as we discuss all of the things, I know that knowing he takes the time to reach out to me and it makes me smile, it makes my entire body happy in a way that I cannot describe that can only be explained because of the deep and cosmic/divine connection we have. My body responds to him. I am his and he is mine, no matter what happens, we are connected on a level that defies words and human explanation.
And while yes it is difficult to not have him sitting right next to me on the new couch that was delivered today, that we picked out for our space, I know he is with me in other ways and he is always on my mind. It’s like I cannot get enough of him, I will never have enough time with him, I will never tire of talking with him and listening to him, I will never grow tired of sitting next to him and holding his hand or having his arm around me or mine around him. He is truly part of me and I cannot live even half a life without him in it.