Reality Check

Today it hit me that tomorrow, Friday is my last day of freedom….i’ve known its coming, I’ve talked about it, but it hit me out of the blue today and it was a strange feeling. Next week everything changes, and I mean everything and I have no idea how it’s all going to turn out. So kinda had a mini freak out for about a minute and turned to Him to study about trusting Him again in all things.

I go back to work and move all in the same week, literally turning my life upside down. Moving someplace I know I am supposed to go to, but where I have never physically been, sight unseen. Not the first time I have done this but this one feels different, it is different and it all hinges on other unseen things and I cannot see around the corner to see what is going to happen. And I am doing this part on my own, which is scary in its own right. So trust right now is a moment by moment thing and I’ve needed more reassurance than I have ever needed in my life, I don’t like feeling like that, but until things are settled, ill take all the reassurance I can get.

So today was busy again with last minute things to be done, running a few errands, checking things off the list and of course connecting with CJ, he had a busy day with some fires at work to put out, but we were able to have a video lunch and talked this afternoon, but its never enough and I miss him the minute we hang up from any connection.

The Lord has been working on him and he’s been having his own learning moments this week, so its been a very long week and while normally people look forward to Fridays to enjoy resting over the weekend especially from long weeks, I am still not a fan of weekends right now because it is harder for CJ and I to connect and that makes for much longer weekends and I struggle more when I cannot connect with him.

So I will continue to pray, read, study and do my best to strengthen my faith and my trust in Him that all will be well. I do know that, I truly do, I have peace about things when I stop and remember and think and pray, but its all the other moments that make you overthink or worry that that worry creeps in and then I have to work even harder to push it away and push Satan away, its exhausting and until one thing changes I cannot stop this vicious cycle.

So my every moment is a reality check for me…do I trust, am I praying, am I doing all the things I need to be doing to feel His love and blessings, or am I inviting in Satan and the doubt and fear…its hard to balance and keep Satan out, he is really good at what he does and right now he knows what’s at stake as do I, so he is going to do everything in his power to keep us from moving forward, but I also know that God will be doing His thing and has Us in His hands and I need to trust that….see what I mean, vicious cycle. I know God is greater, that He is the ultimate for good, that His will and His blessings will prevail, but that we still have a choice in each matter and moment and that is where Satan gets his claws in if we let him, so I am trying not to let him…just 7 more days, just 7 more days, just 7 more days and I pray they will fly by.

Next week will help going back to work will keep me busy and then the loading and moving, but getting to that point will be the hard part, the final countdown so to speak. So CJ and I will just continue to hold on, to grasp onto His lifelines and pray He will continue to send them to us.