We Will Rise from the Ashes…
Saturday night and its been a quite but long day. Didn’t sleep well last night and yet as tired as I am, I’m wide awake. I tried to keep busy today as best as I can, found a new show to watch on Netflix to help pass time, took care of some laundry and took a shower, still weak from lack of food to give me energy so back to taking one sitting down and it wore me out, but I definitely feel better having fully taken a shower and cleaned up completely finally, the bath the other day was only partially cleansing. So today was a better day overall. I feel better, the swelling is still there, but going down and the pain has lessened and I can feel the shift in my body from initial recovery to the secondary recovery stage where I know have to build back up my energy and eating. I like this stage makes me hopeful and know that I am going to be better. Sometimes when you are in the middle of it, it feels like it’s never ending and you wont be getting better and this path has been so long with the long prior recovery of the first surgery and having to have this one due to complications, being out of work the stress of all of that and for so long not being able to do much for myself in the beginning and relying on so many others for so much of my recovery to now hopefully being able to find my way back to being as normal as I can be moving in to this next new phase.
Moving day begins in 18 days and I get to my new place in 19 days, looking back it seems like its gone so fast, but working through it seemed to take forever to work through over 40+ days. But as you know I have had quite a few long weeks and stress and now the time will either drag these next few weeks or they will fly by. I’m I praying they fly by.
I’ve been busy working on the weekend story and it’s been going well and CJ has read it along the way and has expressed his pleasure at our weekend getaway so far.
As I said I left him upset yesterday and wrote him an apology letter that he read and was worried about me, our situation is difficult, stressful and apparently quite emotional and we are still finding our way. So I stressed all night and worried and prayed for him excessively, he did reach out last night to let me know he was ok, but only had a minute. But I heard from him and that’s what mattered.
I did hear today from CJ and we talked via text several times, short conversations but he was worried about me and I was worried about him, we seem to be good at that. Worrying about each other, its sweet and tender and sadly part of this situation.
Sadly his situation is deteriorating and it’s hard. I so wanted this to happen and we need for this to happen, but he has to work through it and I hate watching him go through it, I hate seeing the pain and hearing it in his voice when we talk and I hate knowing that while I support him and trust him that he has to go through this alone. I am here for him and know he can make it to the other side and he will make it to the other side.
We’ve been through so much and this is our last main hurdle and we can do this and will struggle through it, but we are almost to where we need to be and we will make it to our goal. I know that, I know I struggle, but I know and we have been promised that we will make it and we will be together and we will find our true happiness in each others arms.
And soon we will rise from the ashes of all this hardship and when all is said and done our relationship and our connection and finding our oneness will be glorious.