Charlie is waiting for us…

I was able to get some sleep but got up and went to church as I felt that was the best place for me today. Still wished more than anything to be able to talk to the other at some point, but now understanding the ‘scared’ issue, I was a bit more calm and willing to be patient and focused on the lessons and the feelings and spirit around me. It was a good day, catching up with friends after being gone for a few weeks, answering questions about the upcoming surgery and move and running out of air, its getting harder and harder to breathe these last few days, so the surgery cannot come fast enough. One of the speakers today made an interesting comment, not one that I would normally pay any particular attention to, but I found it interesting in light of our current circumstances, he said that “roadblocks do not come from God, that they are man made or from Satan”, and I found that so intriguing with all the roadblocks that we are facing; but as I thought about it, I can see the wisdom in that. While we have been following our promptings from Heavenly Father, we have assumed that He is placing the roadblocks in our way, but its not that way and upon closer inspection this afternoon, I realized that that statement is correct, the roadblocks are man made, but Heavenly Father has a plan in place for us to work through them correctly, not in a manner that would be more detrimental to us.

So knowing and accepting that we have roadblocks, emotional, physical, location, spiritual and any other unintentional ones that pop up, that we are slowly kicking them down is helpful, they are not there forever, they are not permanent, they are slowing us down for His purpose and there is a reason. We just cannot see it from this vantage point, but we will and we will then know and understand the reason behind them.

I did hear from the other half today, just for a moment, I’m guessing they may have read my craziness, but hopefully all of it and not just the bad days to see that I too am understanding my place in this and how hard of a situation it is. But it was just enough to make me smile, see what they are going through, send up prayers for them and in gratitude and to feel that peace and calm taking over for the doubt and worry. It’s a vicious cycle, but the more I work through it, name it and own the issues, the easier it will be to handle the obstacle and move forward.

One of the main concepts for us to delve into is connection / oneness and part of that is complete openness, sharing, being vulnerable and emotional available. We are both working through that in small parts through this separation phase and I know that all that we are going through will only aid us in our long term goal of true connection to the other, so while this is hard, it is not in vain, it has a purpose and we can use this time to connect in different ways; emotional, fun, holding the other up and moving forward together in that purpose.

I recognize that I am also worried about my surgery at this point, its the second one in 6 months and this one is to fix an issue from the first one and I have to be awake for it, yes I will be numb, but being awake is honestly terrifying. The surgery will be approx 2.5 to 3 hours depending on how it goes, so laying awake on an operating table while they cut open my throat is not helping in my worry and anxiety at this moment. I have done the requisite research and know the surgery, the outcomes, the percentages and while those are all great, this is me we are talking about the one who always has complications, thus why we are doing this surgery. But I know I cannot wait any longer or breathing will continue to be an issue among other problems. So we move forward with the surgery, praying and hoping for a good outcome and an easy recovery so that the next step will be the move.

I am 95% packed, just the last minute things that I am currently using, so maybe a few last boxes and then it will be go time. Just 25 days, hard to believe seems like it was just in the 40’s and time seemed to be going so so slow, but here we are at 25 days and looking back time seems to have slipped by so quickly, but that’s always the way.

So my dear, I am here, praying, hoping, sending you all my good vibes and “L” that this day will be over for you and that you can see through the fog; and that tomorrow you will find your rainbow, your pot of gold, your happy ending, your path that leads to us.

We will endure, we will survive and we will find our oneness and connection on the other side, because we have been promised and it will be worth it and I will be waiting with open arms to pull you in and hold you tight and I will never let you go, ever. We have dreams, goals, fantasies, research, practice and so much to accomplish together, and if I am not mistaken, Charlie is waiting for us….and I for one really want to ensure that that story plays out because I know how much he has enjoyed it so far, how exciting it has been for the both of us and I really want to finish, if you know what I mean!!